It's over.
Yup. Everything's over now. My college, my relationship, my teenage phase and my insecurities. First thing first, yay I've survived my diplomas and now will continue my degree which I don't know the results yet. But hey, I'm going to graduate soon and that's all matters. I was so afraid that I'm gonna repeat one of my project which means that I can't graduate and I will graduate with the juniors. Gosh. Horrified just by typing it. Alhamdulillah everything went well and I'm so grateful.

Next, my relationship. sigh. You know, a lot has happened between me and him. Remember when I used to have butterflies with him? Well now not anymore. I'll admit he's a good guy, but theres a thing that I don't like about him. He acted like a girl more than me. Is that even legal ? whos the girl ? me or him ? I can't take it anymore. We used to break up once but we get back together because I still love him but he's doing it again. I thought he changed but no. Acted so fck up and blamed it all to me for not giving him attention. True but that's because his attitude. I don't even know how to handle it anymore. So it's the best way we part away. Thankyou, next. Ehem, one more thing, a few days ago, my mum asked me if I wanted to married with one of my cousins. He's rich, yes but the difference between my age and him, BIG. I thought she's only joking but she asked me TWICE! You don't know how horrified I am. I'm not ready. I have future planned. Besides, I still watched cartoons, cried when my mum not around, unemployed and uneducated. Yes, I'm gonna have my diplomas but that's not enough! I want more and more. I want phD's scroll in my hand then I will think about marriage. I wanted to repay my mum, dad, and my siblings for everything they've done to me first. I can't let anything or anyone stop me from doing it. Okok enough about that.

Sooo, I've had my birthday a few weeks ago and I'm officially 21 this year. My gosh how time flies. No wonder my mum asked me about marriage. Soo not ready. And that's mean I'm no longer a girl. I'm a woman now. RESPECT ME! lol. My birthday just like any other days nothing special. I got a handbag*again* from my brother in law and that's pretty rare and my sister bought me a watch. I asked her to buy it for me before. lol. My mum bought me new glasses and it's cute. Thanks mom. And that's pretty sums up my birthday story. yeah. It's not much because it's the same day as my dad being warded to a heart hospital. Above all, the greatest birthday present is God still lend my dad to me. Alhamdulillah thankyou Allah for giving me this opportunities to show my dad that I will succeed in life.

Other usual things is about friend. I don't want to talk about it. Sick of it. All I know now I need to be independent and know how to say 'no' to people. After all I've done, people still think I'm bad, evil, and selfish. They misunderstand it then why do I need to be nice again? They wanted me bad then bad I will be no more miss nice-gullible-girl. *I guess*

Hi again.
I'm bored and got nothing to do so why not updating my blog. Okay before I start my story, I am so so sorry if this will make you annoying or mad or angry or pissed off or whatever. I mean no harm. You are welcome to leave my blog if you not pleased.

Okay start with my story.
I once liked this one guy. I'll name him 'sam'. He's from the same course as me. After being heartbroken by my crush that I deleted on my blog last time, I thought that time my heart will not accept anyone anymore but unfortunately they did accept this guy. So I promised to my heart that this guy will be the last guy that I'll ever had crush on and if he did not like me back, I have to let go, move on and sealed my heart to everyone. No one will ever come into my heart until the right time and I accept the deal with my heart. So I let he in. MISTAKE. Every single day I will search for him wonder what's he's up to or where I'd go and everything like that. I'm so sure that he's the one and he's still single. He just like any other guy. Not too handsome neither too ugly just so-so, kindhearted, always laughing and smiling. Perfect. In my eyes, he's special. One thing that I'm worried is he is sociable and friendly to everyone including me. But I liked him that way. So friendly with everyone.

One day, my university held a festival for sports I think. I can't remember and I heard that 'sam' are selling 'ice kacang' (malaysian dessert) at the festival. Me and my friend being a stalker searching for his stall and we found it but I told my friend I'm too shy to buy it. On the second day, I finally have the courage to buy it from him accompanied by my friend of course. I can't do it alone. He, as usually so friendly and treating me so nice. When I'm done buying, I'm so happy that I could die right there instantly. Just by talking with can make my heart jumped to the heaven. The happiness is so real I can't even describe it into words. I continue to like him more and more for a couple of months but maybe it is my fate to be this way. Once again and for the last time my heart broke into pieces.

Last day of the festival, me and my friend went to see students marching and cheering at the field and I heard that 'sam' is there selling the dessert for the student who also want watch the show and I thought why not killing two birds with one stone. After end of the festival, my other coursemates busy taking pictures for our faculty and me too, busy taking picture with others that I didn't realize 'sam' is taking picture with other girl who he close to. I saw her before with him but I just think positive and let it slide. That night, what I saw broke me so much. A picture. Him and her at that festival. I cried and of course it broke my heart a bit but I still like him. More and more. But ever since that festival, he often post his picture with her and I always saw him with her together. Almost everyday. Day by day passed and couldn't held any longer and accept my defeat with shattered heart. I distance myself from him to heal my once again broken heart.

Let him go and move on, I sealed my heart so no one could ever enter again.


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